Posted by: Shalini Verma | December 11, 2008

Draw inspiration here : HERO : Myriah Carey : Courtesy You Tube

There are times when we all feel low….when things don’t seem to be going our way….when we don’t seem to be reaching where we planned to be……..here is something I listen to and I begin to feel an awesome magical strength enveloping me: EVERYTIME.

I felt like sharing it with the world. So here it is…. Go ahead draw on your inner strength and keep moving ahead………

 

Here are the Lyrics:

There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are
There's an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know 
Will melt away
 
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you
 
It's a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear
 
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you
 
Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone
Tear them away
Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You'll find the way
 
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you
 
That a hero lies in you

 

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When children have setbacks the first reaction parents have is an emotional involvement to the whole situation. There is danger that they fall prey to taking the situation personally and feel shamed by it.

Do you assume, before you have heard his/ her side of the story all the way to the end, that your son/daughter is at fault and tell the child off for putting you in a difficult position with maybe the teacher or school or neighbour?

Well, the good news is that we have found the problem.  Its you !!

Try this one: The next time your teen is upset about something that you consider minor, try to see it from the child’s point of view. Adults and children percieve things differently, so avoid applying your judgements unthinkingly. Saying things like, “Stop making such a fuss,” “It will pass,” or “I can’t understand why you’re bothered by that” are no options in this game.

These are ruled out because they don’t help the child to get over the issue. Instead helping him think through will help.

Also by listening to his side of the story, you show to the child that you take him seriously and respect his point of view, are treating him fairly and don’t always assume the worst where he is concerned. All of this will go a long way in maintaining his self esteem.

Just a few Do’s and Don’ts

  • Assume the best of him not the worst.
  • Let him tell you about his dissapointments, don’t belittle him.
  • In arguments between brothers and sisters, listen to everyone’s story, then ask each one of them in turn to suggest a possible solution.
  • A child may not always be looking for a solution, he may just need space to vent out and feel lighter. So keep your opinions to yourself unless asked for by the child. Please!!
  • Do not assume the child is wrong if he has grievance against a teacher. Suggest he go to the counselor/principal to be heard in a neutral space.
Posted by: Shalini Verma | September 9, 2008

COURAGE : Embrace It !

The willingness to confront fear is called courage. You will find it very hard to confront your fears unless you are willing to muster up some valor, even though you will find that you already possess it if you are willing to realize it.

Courage means flying in the face of critism, relying on yourself,being willing to accept and learn from the consequences of all your choices. It means believing enough in yourself and in living your life as you choose so that you can cut the strings whose ends other people hold and use to pull you in contrary directions.

MAKE THE LEAP !

And everytime you do make the leap here are the golden words from a coach’s toolbox : What is the worst thing that could happen to me if………………?

When you consider the possibilities realistically, you will almost always find that nothing damaging or painful can happen when you take the necessary steps away from being a knee jerk victim. Usually you will find that like a child afraid of the dark,  you are afraid of nothing, because nothing is the worst thing that could happen to you.

Posted by: Shalini Verma | September 8, 2008

How are you treated by people?

How are you treated by people? Do you repaetedly feel used? Do you find other people taking advantage of you, or not respecting you as a person? Do people make plans without asking you and just assume you will go along? Do you find yourself in roles you dislike because everyone else in your life expects you to behave as you do?

These are some of the common laments I have heard from clients and friends who feel victimsed in multitudinous ways. My response is generally the same: “You get treated the way you teach people to treat you.”

If you feel abused by others’ treatment of you, then look at your own thinking and behavior, and ask why you have permitted or even encouraged the abuse you complain of.If you don’t make yourself responsible for how you are treated, you will continue to be powerless to do anything about it.

Just like Epictetus summed it up 2000 years ago:

It is not he who give abuse that affronts, but the view that we take of it as insulting; so that when one provokes you it is your own opinion which is provoking.”

Your hurts come not from what others do to you, but fronm what you choose to do with their actions.If you change your attitudes and expectations about being hurt, then you’ll soon find the abuse terminating, and your victim status eliminated.

Posted by: Shalini Verma | August 1, 2008

Relationships:Anthony Robbins:Courtesy You Tube

The process involves six simple steps:

Define the issue that you want to relieve.

Rate the severity of the issue, right now, on a scale of 0 to 10.

Tap 5 times, just below the little finger on both hands, where you
strike for a karate chop, while saying: “Even though I have this issue
(state it out loud), I deeply and completely accept myself and my feelings.”

Tap 5 times on each of the following points with your finger tips while
saying: “I am releasing this issue (state it out loud), and I am letting it
go now.”
Inside of eyebrows

Sides of eyes

Under eyes

Under nose

Chin

Collarbone

Under arms

Top of Head
Re-rate the severity of the issue on a scale of 0 to 10.

Repeat process — saying “Even though I still have some of this
issue…” — until severity comes down to 3 or less.

The combination of repeating affirmations while tapping on acupressure points has proven to be an effective release technique for many people. It can be used, for example, to reduce food cravings, to stop smoking, to induce sleep, to improve self-esteem, and to overcome performance problems. There’s no limit to its applications since any issue is amenable to tapping and affirmations.

To learn more including advanced techniques and additional tapping points, to watch videos, to download a free 87-page manual, to check out EFT endorsements, to order materials, and to sign up for their email newsletter, visit Gary Craig’s website at http://www.emofree.com/. The process is simple to learn, can do no harm, and has done many a world of good.

 Enjoy the relief!

Posted by: Shalini Verma | March 23, 2008

Lay down your burdens for a while

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, “How heavy is this glass of water? Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

The lecturer replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it. “If I hold it for a minute, that’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you’ll have to call an ambulance.”

“In each case, it’s the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.”

He continued, “And that’s the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won’t be able to carry on. ”

“As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we’re refreshed, we can carry on with the burden. ”

“So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work/life down. Don’t carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow.”

So what can you do to reduce the stress you are feeling during divorce?

 Find something to do that you truly enjoy. Call a close friend, hug a dog or baby, volunteer with a group that does something you find worthwhile, write a letter to an old friend, exercise, take a long bath, or watch a funny movie.

If you regularly seek relief from your pain for even five minutes, you will soon discover that the world will start to look just a little bit brighter than it did before.

Posted by: Shalini Verma | March 2, 2008

What`s Missing Here ?

HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED ? 

THAT MANY INDIVIDUALS

HAVE GREAT PEOPLE SKILLS

— AT WORK

AND WHEN THEY GET HOME

THEY TREAT THEIR FAMILIES—–LIKE

WELL……….NOT VERY GOOD !!!!

 WHY IS THAT ?

IT`S BECAUSE USUALLY IN THE WORKPLACE

THEY MANAGE THEIR EMOTIONS VERY WELL

BUT WHEN THEY GET HOME:

PATIENCE,

COURTESY AND

RESPECT

DISAPPEAR

WELL  ITS  CALLED  THE LACK OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Do we need to give that some thought?)

 

Posted by: Shalini Verma | February 26, 2008

Build On Your Relationship

1. Give each other permission to be human.

Give your partner space to experience their life, their emotions, and their perspectives, and exercise your rights to do the same. We are each unique and it is natural and healthy to feel a variety of emotions and engage in the fullness of human experience-as long as it does not harm or infringe on others. Rejecting the thoughts and feelings of your partner leads to frustration and unhappiness in the relationship.

2. Combine pleasure with meaning.

Engage in activities that are significant and enjoyable for each of you individually, and for both of you together. Plan frequent events that you enjoy doing together while also allowing for each of you to enjoy and express your unique interests with other friends and colleagues. This builds memories to share, and brings in new adventures and fresh ideas.

3. Happiness depends on your state of mind.

The attitude of each partner in the relationship is a significant determinant in the happiness factor. Barring extreme circumstances, our sense of well being is strongly determined by how we choose to view our life and relationship. Are you positive and optimistic, or critical and focused on what is wrong?

4. Simplify!

When possible, reduce the busy-ness and stress levels in your life, and you will notice a greater level of relaxation and joy in the relationship. Focus on the simple joys of being together and connecting, rather than on complex plans or trying to figure out every quirk and habit of your partner.

5. Nurture your body, feed your mind.

Regular exercise, adequate sleep, and healthy eating habits lead to physical as well as mental health. Continue to improve and grow on all levels to remain a fascinating and attractive partner.

Whether looking for that special mate, or seeking to elevate the happiness factor in your existing relationship, you will find benefits in applying these suggestions.

6. Express gratitude and appreciation.

We all love to be noticed and appreciated. While it may become easy to take our partner for granted over time, resist the temptation to allow the relationship to fall into atrophy. Setting up a pattern of gratitude will encourage your partner to reciprocate. Pay attention to the little things your partner does for you, and find creative ways to show them you recognize the value they bring to your life.

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